Wednesday 16 September 2009

Not the brightest bulb

I moved desks on Monday (because I preferred to do it on Monday morning rather than on Friday night at 18:30 when everyone else started moving), and as it got darker, I realised that the light bulb above my new desk didn't work.  I am one of those people who prefers to work in well-lit areas (not fluorescent lighting, but just bright enough to see everything I'm doing and not fall asleep), but for some reason people here don't bother turning the lights on until it's actually dark.

I would normally fix these sorts of things myself, but the light fixtures are quite high, and we seem to have someone to take care of these things.  So, I sent a quick email to the receptionist (as she'd already gone home for the day) to see if she could get the bulb changed.  I got this in reply:

Dear Starla,

I'm sorry, there's no extra light bulbs now, we will handle it as soon as possible.


This made very little sense to me, especially because our office takes up the whole floor of the building and we are using about half of the desks.  The lights above those desks don't get used, so... switch out the bulbs, please? 

After some further follow-up including a suggestion about unused-but-functional light bulbs, the receptionist had a guy from the tech department get up on my desk to fix the situation.

Unnecessary, but very China.

Posted via email from Banana Undercover

Friday 11 September 2009

But... it's a kitchen in China, is it not?

Shanghai is a transient place in many ways.  People come and go more often than you'd think, with short-term positions, internships, holidays, and the recent financial woes of the world.  So it's not uncommon to have to say goodbye to friends as they move away, and mentally prepare to do the inevitable making new friends later.

The last couple of nights have been dedicated to saying goodbye to a friend who is moving to Taiwan (one of the major reasons he's leaving is actually the state of the internet here, which is tragic for us in many ways), as well as some "bonus" money that I received (but more on that later).  He kindly offered up anything in his kitchen that we wanted to take away. 

I was mentally going through things I might need, when I suddenly said... "Wait, do you have a rice cooker?"

This was met on all sides by horrified exclamations of "You don't have a rice cooker?!"  "What kind of Asian are you?!" (Okay, that second one might be something I would have said had I been the exclaimer.)

And, it's true.  We've never had one in my apartment, mostly because my flatmates aren't Chinese and don't really cook rice (if they cook at all).  It was a noticeable omission when I arrived, but, to be honest, I've been cooking pretty good rice on stovetops for so long now that I never got around to to investing in one (transient lifestyles don't really allow for carrying a rice cooker in your backpack - although it has been done).

So last night after dinner I went over to my friend's place, and came out with the culinary haul you see here.  A rice cooker!  A set of steamers!  A freakin' spatula!  I didn't even need a blender, but this one is an upgrade.  Sweet.  I will miss my friend, but I always appreciate free stuff.  Especially small appliances.

Posted via email from Banana Undercover

Saturday 5 September 2009

Even worse than seeing this on a Friday night...

...is seeing this on a Saturday morning.
 
 - Taken at 9:59 AM on September 05, 2009 - uploaded by ShoZu

Posted via email from Banana Undercover

Falafel, but not as I know it.

Chick pea cookies? The vege plate at Wagas has not fulfilled my falafel needs.
 
 - Taken at 12:26 PM on September 05, 2009 - uploaded by ShoZu

Posted via email from Banana Undercover

Thursday 3 September 2009

360-something days on...

I had my one year anniversary at work on Tuesday (and hence one year and 2 days since I arrived in China), and it passed without note, except that I had a coincidental enforced day off.  While it is nice to have a weekday off, I have to make this up on Saturday, with no opt-out or alternative way of working off a break that I had no choice about.  Oh well.  Nobody complained, either (I voiced my displeasure to HR, but they were overruled by the CEO).  Thanks, Chinese mentality.

I don't really have much time for a self-reflection right now, but hopefully I will be able to manage something in the future.  All I know is that this is the longest I've ever stayed in a full-time job (it was already the only permanent position I have ever taken), so that's somewhat of an achievement. 

It took me a good 6 months to feel like I'd settled in here, develop a few worthwhile friendships, and get to know the city.  Some of the friends have moved on, but I am still enjoying the city.  I've been lucky to have friends visit me here, and hope more will do so in the near future.  I've met some great people here, too, sometimes in unexpected places.  I have an apartment that I love, and great flatmates (although that wasn't always the case).  That situation may be changing, but, as always, I'll roll with it.

At the moment I feel like I have a fair amount going on, but that I'm not really achieving anything.  I've always had a bit of a lack of motivation (slash direction), and at the moment that tiny amount is being stretched out towards disparate, often vague goals (although reading about the Mosaic approach yesterday makes me feel a little more positive about it!).  My Chinese has improved somewhat, despite me not paying much attention to it.  Despite (or including) all the distractions, there are a couple of things in my life that make me really happy, and I can't really complain too much about the other stuff.  It's all balanced out by positives and side benefits. 

An upcoming trip home is also distracting me, and I can't wait to catch up with friends and eat a bunch of things that I can't get here.  I will probably come back to China with a lactose intolerancy from the copious amounts of dairy I am likely to consume.  Hopefully it will be balanced out by the meats and seafoods.  I haven't been out of Asia for over two years, so I hope that there's no reverse culture shock.  I may be able to ask for exactly what I want, and then receive it.  Amazing.  Perhaps I'll experience some kind of overload because I'll actually be able to understand everything that's on TV, in advertising, and in the conversations of strangers (although those strangers probably won't be standing quite so close to me as they would be on, say, any of the trains going through People's Square).

In light of a few recent developments, and of course the upcoming Expo 2010 (which probably nobody outside of China has even heard of), I'm feeling pretty positive about the next year.  I hope it pans out even better than I envision it...

Posted via email from Banana Undercover

Wednesday 26 August 2009

Well this doesn't make me feel safer crossing the road...

On the way to KTV in Fuxing Park the other night (slightly tipsy, but in a taxi), I noticed that there was a policeman giving a breathalyser test to a neighbouring motorist.  In what looked like an extremely lazy roadblocking manoeuvre, the cops were walking down the queue of cars at the intersection of Chongqing Lu and Huaihai Lu, and seemed to only be stopping at cars with open windows.  Way to save time there, guys.

Today I read the following on Shanghaiist, and it doesn't make me feel any better.

"Those who drive dare not to drink, those who drink dare not to drive" is a particularly apt and Chinese way to summarize the philosophy behind the recent crackdowns on drunk driving in Shanghai. Sina News recently published a Cops-esque article about dragnets set up at hotels around the city, which captured more than 1200 drunk drivers in just the last ten days. The drama included stakeouts of hotel parking lots, intersection checkpoints, and even searches for "sleeper cars" with drunk drivers trying to "sleep it off". Once caught, techniques of avoiding arrest in Shanghai range from the internationally popular "drink two bottles of mineral water" to the less palatable "wash your mouth out with soap". It seems the Shanghai police are serious about this campaign: they've even forced on-duty policemen to turn off their mobile phones to avoid "preferential treatment" of suspects. Amazing!    

Source: Shanghaiist
 

Posted via email from Banana Undercover

If we can't do it, how can "China"?

I was sent a link to this article today, and while I enjoy a guilty giggle sometimes at hilarious mistranslations, I was left a bit flat by this article (below is the whole piece, so don't worry about clicking on the source link).  First, is it news or comedy; what angle are you going for here, reporter?  Secondly, Shanghai ≠ China, by anyone's measure; nice work, headline.  Thirdly, if you can't make proper use of question marks (I'm talking to you, captioner), then you really shouldn't be working for any written publication, let alone the national newspaper of an English-speaking country.

On the plus side, today I found some pretty amusing mistranslations on thechive.com.

China tries to stamp out dodgy English

Can you do better than this sign photographed near Chongqing city, China. Photo / supplied

Can you do better than this sign photographed near Chongqing city, China. Photo / supplied


The Chinese city of Shanghai has started a campaign to stamp out indecipherable English.

Long a source of amusement to travellers, local authorities now deem signs in odd English an embarrassment, according to the BBC.

Student volunteers have been assigned to check signs all over the city and to let bureaucrats know when they spot something confusing or just plain wrong.

Examples found by the London Telegraph include transport signs saying: "If you take the phone on your waistband, as if to send money to the thief" and "If you are stolen, call the police at once".

Another example posted by a blogger for a promotional sign in the Jing-An area of the city states: "Jing-An make us much warmer and fragranter."

Source: NZ Herald News

Posted via email from Banana Undercover

Saturday 22 August 2009

Sending up a flare...

At the time that I started my blog in China, Blogger services were freely available, and I didn't really foresee that changing.  However, I underestimated the long arm of the guy who pushes the buttons on the Great Firewall, and here I am with a blog that my ideal audience (i.e. possible sympathisers) can't actually view.  Not the best of situations.

Periodically I also try new services.  Not that often, as I am resistant to change, usually do my research before I jump ship, and hate when all my previous work is done away with if it's not compatible.

So, here I go, trying a recently-discovered email-to-blog system which will hopefully be new enough that China won't block it any time soon.  I have to email most of my posts in these days anyway, so I'll just see how it goes. 

There are a few restrictions that I am worried about, but I'm sure they'll iron themselves out in the end. 

For the foreseeable future, though, I will be parallel-posting (is  that a term?) in two different places: http://bananaundercover.blogspot.com, and http://bananaundercover.posterous.com.  I have imported my previous posts already, and am looking forward to something new, shiny, easy, and visible.

Posted via email from Banana Undercover

Wednesday 12 August 2009

Things that make me laugh


A sneaky retail ninja phone shot. Yes, it's an exfoliant called Bubble Magic Peeing.

For reference, they spelled 'peeling' correctly on the top and back of the box (not that that makes it less of a terrible product name), and my phone did not know the words 'ninja', 'exfoliant', or 'peeing'.

Posted by ShoZu

A glitch in the matrix?

I've been ignoring YouTube links out of habit for months now, as knowing that I won't be able to see the content doesn't stop the disappointment when I get the standard time out or connection errors.

Today, because a friend of mine had been raving about this Japanese pianist, I decided to click on a link.  Shock horror, it loaded something.  It was the full page in very basic HTML, and I couldn't watch the video, but it was something.  A few minutes, and more than a few F5s later, and I've got 'the connection has timed out' again.  Damned Firewarr.  Be consistent and stop giving me false hope! 

Monday 10 August 2009

Going Postal

I've been putting off going to the post office for months, but the build-up of guilt and unsent gifts finally culminated in me spending a significant part of this weekend putting together four parcels to send to various patient friends and family members.

One of the reasons there's been such a delay is that I'm not the usual customer for a Chinese post office, and my transactions take much longer than they probably should.  The staff are used to people bringing their postables [ok, not a word], and putting them into a government-sanctioned green China Post box, and sending them away.  I like to spend some time on my packages, including careful addressing, gift-wrapping, and copious amounts of novelty tape (as you can see above).  I also have to go through a certain amount of stilted Chinese and miming to explain the contents of each box.  I usually get there in the end, and have yet to give in to the post office workers' demands to open the packages to see what's inside.

This time, knowing that there were a LOT of small and difficult-to-describe items contained in the boxes, I took the precaution of photographing the contents of each parcel.  [Each of these boxes contains somewhere between three and nine individually-wrapped presents, as well as at least one letter or card.]

Already running late this morning, I decided that since I'd spent so much time on packing these things, and that it would be way busier at lunch time, I went to the post office before work.  At the sight of my already-taped-up boxes, the staff there immediately started stressing out and asking me what was inside.  I explained to the best of my poor ability, and showed them the photos on my trusty mobile phone.  After a long discussion, including determining that, yes, they were going to four different places in the UK, apparently they still needed to see inside.  This raised a slight panic in me, as I had forgotten to bring any back-up novelty tape, and I had no idea what they would do when they opened the boxes only to find dozens of smaller packages inside.  They called an English-speaking co-worker over, and I explained the situation to her ("No! You can't see inside! You'll only get frustrated, and I might cry!" - paraphrased).  I assured them there were no liquids in any of the boxes (or at least I think that's what I was assuring them of).  They finally let it slide, probably because it was easier to just let me have my way. 

Thankfully, there were no issues with any of the million forms I had to fill in, and after the nice man had mimed 飞机 (fēijī, or aeroplane, a word I actually know) and I had handed over what seemed like a lot of money for air mail, I finally got out of there, just in time to be even later for work.  Success. 

Thursday 6 August 2009

Every fruit has its day. Except for papaya, which is greedy.

For reasons that are somewhat complicated, I just found out that Monday was National Watermelon Day (and by 'National', I mean 'American', but don't get me started on how annoying it is to find references to 'national' things on the internet with no mention of what nation they are relevant to).  I think that at some point I should get a job with an organisation with a name and function as randomly specific and entertaining as the National Watermelon Promotion Board.  They are still selling boatloads of watermelon in China right now, and I'm sure there are lots of local festivals for them, including this one in Beijing (sorry, the article is from 2008, but we'll have to wait until May/June 2010 for the next one anyway).

Some other odd fruit-related celebrations in the U.S. include, apparently, Eat a Red Apple Day (December 1st) [specific], Poisoned Blackberries Day (September 29th) [I don't know what you would do to celebrate this], and the International Banana Festival (September 21st).  Grapefruits and peaches each get their own month (February and August, respectively), and according to this list, papaya gets two months (June and September).  I don't even like papaya.

That weirdness led me to wondering if there was a National Mango Day celebrated anywhere, as it is the king of fruits and all.  There is, by the way.  In Mali.  BBC photos and interesting back story here

Not to be outdone, though, Rubicon announced a whole Mango Week in the UK (25th-31st May this year, so we'll have to wait until next year now).  I'm not sure that something being promoted by a private company with vested interest is as valid as an acknowledged national day, but I don't think anyone can complain about a week of mango.  Except this one guy I met who came from a place where they grow turpentine mangos.  Apparently when ripe, these things smell (and taste) like a combination of, well, turpentine and mangos.  He wasn't a fan.

As for me, I'm going to buy a mango on the way home.  It will cost slightly more than 2.5 US cents (apparently a good price in Mali), but I think I'll deal with it.


Image: Elite Banana on my pillow.

Tuesday 4 August 2009

A journey of self-discovery (or finding my own ways to get around the Great Firewall)

[Not that anyone who is having troubles with it can read this blog, but never mind.]

Disclaimer: This post is in no way intended to be political.  It merely outlines my personal discoveries resulting from frustration from being cut off from the outside world.

1. One little letter


I was doing my general post-arrival work things - checking my email, starting up WinAmp, glancing at Google Reader, etc - this morning, and was having a lot more trouble with Reader than I usually do.  I've been getting used to not being able to see the feeds for the sites that are blocked by the Firewall (Blogger, WordPress, Facebook, etc) - though Reader used to be able to solve these problems - but today it was slow to load, kept booting me out, and every time I clicked on a feed, it would come up with the encouraging message:

Sorry, an unexpected condition has occurred which is preventing Google Reader from fulfilling the request.

Can I refer to China as an 'unexpected condition' now?

Anyway, a quick search for news about the status of Reader in China turned up this post at China Herald, which had a comment from Web Analytics in China, with a very tiny but apparently effective tip.  Use 'https' instead of 'http' in the URL.  According to the tipster, this works 6 out of 10 times for GMail and Google Reader.  According to me, it works 1 out of 1 times, and lets me read the feeds that were blocked without that one little ess.  That's right.  I feel like I'm back in the world, without having to get around the blockades in an active way.

2. One little browser

Desperation kind of set in several weeks ago when I realised that maybe the blocks weren't temporary and wouldn't be lifted after certain major anniversaries.  I was playing around on my Nokia N96, trying to get access to various websites and such.  I had four browsers on it, that I was using in various capacities.  My least favourite one being the crappy default one, and the others being Opera Mini, Opera, and the newly-released Skyfire.  I actually had a preference for Opera at the time (and a 30 day trial of the full browser that I was trying to take advantage of), but because of lack of access to essential sites (mostly Facebook, if I must be honest), I gave Skyfire another go. 

It became apparent that I was able to see everything that had been blocked, including full access to Facebook, Blogger, and even YouTube.  How, you may ask?  Well, it turns out that Skyfire has its own dedicated servers that process all the data and optimise it for mobile phone use, essentially providing a free VPN service just for using their browser (which could use a few tweaks, but generally works really well).  So if your mobile phone can use it, download it now!

3. A couple of little web/mobile services
 
After I'd awkwardly managed to set things up through Facebook and Blogger on my mobile, I started using Ping.fm from my PCs, and Shozu from my mobile.  Ping.fm can be used to update statuses, micro-blogs, and blogs for 40 different web services, including Twitter, Facebook, and WordPress, through web, IM, SMS, email, and a bunch of other inputs.  It's fast, customisable, and very handy for anyone managing more than one or two different services.  If you also sign up for Pinglater.fm, you can schedule future posts as well.  Shozu provides a quick way to upload or email photos directly from a mobile phone, and can also update a number of social media sites (including Flickr, Blogger, Facebook), and can send status updates and blogs as well as captioned and titled photos.  Shozu also keeps you up to date with a limited range of feeds from various sites (e.g. friends' photo uploads and status updates).  For Blogger, I submit posts via email, but I've been doing that for a long time, so it doesn't seem like a new thing to me. 

4. A few VPN/proxy services

These are my least favourite methods at the moment, mostly because the speed and quality of the internet available to me at home and work is extremely unreliable, and VPNs tend to slow it down even more.  I've used a couple of random proxy sites (e.g. youtubeproxy.org, sneakme.net), which work as a quick access solution, but are unreliable and drive me crazy with annoying advertisements.  I had the paid VPN service WiTopia recommended to me by a few people, so I thought I'd try it.  So far it's been patchy, and some services I can use better without it on, so it's frustratingly gratifying at best.  I'm coming up to the end of my trial month, and that might be the end of it for me.  There are a few other services out there that I may try and report back on.

In summary
1. For RSS and Atom feeds to keep up with blogs and the like: Use https://www.google.com/reader/
2. For mobile browsing (for compatible mobile phones): Use Skyfire.
3. For quick status and blog updates using a variety of inputs, use Ping.fm for now, and Pinglater.fm for later.
4. For status, blog, and photo updates using your mobile phone, use Shozu.
5. For blogging, many services have an email-to-blog option where emails get posted directly to your blog.  Disabling comment moderation is risky, but lets those comments get online when you can't moderate them directly.
6. For a reliable VPN service, I don't have a recommendation as yet.  Please let me know if you have any!

Tuesday 21 July 2009

Leaving town at rush hour


I don't know when my requirements for a comfortable subway ride changed to 'as long as nobody is actually touching me', but there we go. Before I got on today I thought how nice it was that there weren't many people on this car, because there was a space about an arm's length wide before everyone climbed aboard. Luxury.

Anyway, I'm on my way to Hangzhou to see the eclipse tomorrow. Then south from there, and away from work for a while. Unsarcastic bliss! I just hope it doesn't storm as much as it's supposed to.

Posted by ShoZu

Thursday 16 July 2009

More balls and mucking around

I really just want to see what happens if I attach MP3s to my emails.  It's also kind of related to this post.  I had to record this at work today, so you can just imagine me sitting in a recording booth giggling to myself.

Balls.  Balls!

Wednesday 15 July 2009

Thanks for rubbing it in, floor


It's depressing to be at the office so late that the lift floor tells me it's Saturday.

Posted by ShoZu

Tuesday 14 July 2009

Shanghainese crowd pays tribute to MJ

I just read about this on Shanghaiist, and am so upset that I missed it. It is right near my apartment as well, and I was doing jack all on Sunday afternoon.

What looks like thousands of people gathered together at People's Square at 5pm to "complete MJ's unfinished dance" for 60 seconds. So much better than going to a creepy Australian funeral director to remember the King of Pop.

I doubt the video will embed properly, so check out this YouKu link to see video proof!

Monday 13 July 2009

Balls! Balls!

I just had to explain to a coworker why the following conversation may not be appropriate to teach to children, especially little boys. She didn't really get it, but I didn't want to push the issue.

Are these your balls?
Yes, these are my balls.


A friend suggested I ask her to do an image search for 'my balls', but I don't quite have ... the balls ... to do it.

It's slightly better than the training school I used to work for, where they had a fully animated ball who bounced along to a song that said "Balls! Balls!". True story.

In bloggy news, apparently attaching pictures to emails works now, so expect more, even though I can't format them easily yet. Picture care of Everybody Loves Free Stuff. Check out the salad plate!

We're number one!

There's not enough room on the internet to fully discuss the existence of, and reasoning behind, the superiority, patriotism, narrow-mindedness, racial prejudice, and cultural ignorance of the Chinese people [yes, I know this is a generalised blanket statement about a race of people]. There are a lot of reasons for why the majority of Chinese people think the way they do, and I'm not in any way saying they are bad or mean people. I just fail to understand how they can blindly follow what they have been told their whole lives, even when presented with conflicting evidence. The only thing I can compare it with is religious faith.

Here are some examples of what I'm talking about (please bear in mind that China has made a ridiculously big deal about the swine flu pandemic, and has somehow convinced most of the locals that there are no threatening cases on the mainland):

  1. At dinner with a couple of coworkers (one American, one Chinese), American co-worker (ACW) made a joke that the guy at the table next to us had swine flu, because he coughed. CCW said that it was impossible, because he was Chinese. She backed up her argument by saying that there were no cases of swine flu in Shanghai (totally false statement).

    Problems with this:
    a) We had no proof he was Chinese. b) Even if he were Chinese, and there were no cases in Shanghai, there was no proof that he hadn't been out of the country, or been in contact with anyone who had recently been out of the country. c) It was a ridiculous statement.

  2. A friend's date did not want to go to a restaurant with him after she found out they served Mexican food. She thought she might catch swine flu from the food.

    Problems with this: Pretty obvious, even if you didn't know that the disease isn't foodborne. We are in Shanghai, not Mexico! The food did not get shipped from there.

  3. While watching the men's Wimbledon final on TV, CCW said 'chocolate!' every time she saw a black person in the crowd. Apparently Chinese people call black people chocolate, and it's not meant as an insult. I'm not sure if she was joking when she started calling the white people 'milk'.

    Problems with this: Fairly obvious in this super-PC world. I call myself a banana, but still. Not the same.

  4. People around here seem to think that the definitions of 'sushi' and 'sandwich' are what you get at Family Mart, Kedi, or any number of other convenience stores. These things are highly processed, and involve far too much mayonnaise and pork fluff, and not much else. When you actually take a local to a place to get decent Japanese food or a high quality sandwich, they get confused and often don't like it. Locals seem to base whole ethnic cuisines on very limited, very low-quality food, and then decide to write off the entire culture. It's quite sad.
I could go on, but I actually just wanted to mention a blog post from Disgrasian. An American study has shown that, apparently, sharing a room with someone of a different ethnic background from you can make you less racist. Unless you are sharing with an Asian, which actually makes people more prejudiced. We're so good at racism!

Oh well, at least we make cute babies.

Thursday 9 July 2009

Heat and hassle

The temperature is sitting around 36 or 37 degrees right now, and it's the least of my problems.

My company had widespread layoffs last week, due to supposed financial reasons. Though I am still comfortably employed, it has made me wonder about what I'm going to do in the future, and whether or not I will be staying in China much longer. We shall see. I don't think this adventure is over yet.

Last but definitely not least is that China blocked Facebook sometime on Tuesday. I know, I know, I shouldn't be so worried about these things, but considering that I've actually begun to get used to the fact that the list of websites I can't access is getting longer and longer*, I think it's telling that I am concerned about this. Of course, there's always the increased productivity flipside, but I did spend a good portion of my day yesterday ensuring (through a combination of proxy servers, ping.fm, and one of my mobile phone browsers) that I would in fact still be able to update my profile. I just won't be able to stalk other people nearly as easily.

*I can't even access this blog easily (I am currently changing settings via a proxy), and have to post my entries by email. I am not sure if the comment moderation settings have stuck, so my apologies if comments haven't been published. Feel free to repost them!

Tuesday 23 June 2009

Melting...

The temperatures are going up, and even though we're maxing out at about 33 Celsius right now, the humidity makes walking home like walking through a hot, low-hanging cloud.  It's disgusting.  I finally gave in and started using the AC at home last week.  I put it off for as long as possible, because I knew I would do it all the time after I got used to it.  And even though I walk for short periods between air-conditioned buildings and vehicles, I still feel fairly gross, and extra showers are a necessity.

Today I saw a couple of men get off the bus carrying foldable fans, which made me happy (I own two and like to carry at least one around with me).

I also saw a man walking around trying to sell binoculars.   I'm sure he does a roaring trade.

Thursday 4 June 2009

20th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre

Today marks 20 years since a peaceful protest turned into a slaughter
in Beijing.

Recently, China has blocked more sites from being accessed from within
the mainland, including a lot of MSN sites, Twitter, and the stuff
I've complained about before.

Yesterday, I arrived to work to find no internet available in the
office. I'd also left my phone at home, so was feeling weirdly cut off
from the world. Under the pretense of making sure my mum could call me
(she and my aunt are in town this week, which is great), I went home
to pick up my mobile. Not being able to check my email is scary.

The lack of internet continues today. I wonder if they've cut off
business service, or if I'm just being paranoid.

As I type this out on my phone so I can email it in to auto-post, I'd
just like for us to dwell on how much has changed in China in 20
years, and how much has sadly stayed the same.

Wednesday 27 May 2009

Xiao Long Bao, tofu, and other important matters

I went out for dinner with some friends the other night, to a restaurant that specialises in xiao long bao, traditional Shanghai steamed soup dumplings. They were fairly delicious, as were the other dishes we had alongside. The first plate of vegetarian noodles we ordered had beef hiding in it, but that was just a kitchen mix-up. In any case, I'm not a vegetarian. The sheer number of delicious forms of pork I would miss out on counted me out of the vege population years ago. I think it was the influence of Chinese food from a very young age.

One of the people at dinner had grown up in Hong Kong enjoying chou doufu (臭豆腐), which translates to 'stinky tofu' in English. It's a fermented tofu that has a particularly pungent…aroma, even though it looks like regular fried tofu. I'm familiar with the smell (I lived in Hong Kong for a while, where it's a popular street snack), but I never really wanted to try it. However, since it appeared on our table, I thought I'd give it a go. It wasn't actually as bad as I thought it would be, and I suppose the effect can be compared to the taste of the very strong-smelling cheeses. Not everyone likes those, either (although I do).

Not long after, I sent my dad a text message to tell him that not only did I buy a mahjong set and matching table (more on that later), but that I'd tried the good old stinky tofu. His reply? Even he hasn't tried chou doufu, and I am 'more Chinese than Dad now'. It makes me giggle, but at the time I had that sinking feeling you get when, fully-costumed, you realise that no, it's not actually a fancy-dress party.

On the topic of tofu, the son of a friend of a contact of my mother (one of those multi-step relationships that seems to occur quite often through my mother) has started writing Tofu Watch, a blog dedicated entirely (well, mostly) to the wonder that is bean curd. It has a catchy name, interesting subject matter, and the website design pleases me too. I can even look at it from China. Nice work so far, Brad.

Tuesday 26 May 2009

An unsanctioned love letter to China

Dear China,

Whilst I love you (I know this is never a good way to start a missive), I am getting quite tired of seeing great big blanks all over the internet. You may think that people don't notice that there are an awful lot of white spaces, response timeouts, and no network errors. Maybe you think Chinese people think the internet breaks down all the time, and with the speed that mine works at sometimes, I wouldn't blame you for making this assumption.

Sure, a lot of people think that what they're being shielded from is probably hidden from them for some reason, but I really don't think there's anything anti-establishment about wrecky cakes or lowercase L's. I can't well read these blogs without seeing the pictures that they're talking about. Now not only can I not see WordPress blogs, I can't see Blogger ones, either. I can't even read my own blog, or write in it from the main site. It makes me sad, China.

I was okay with not seeing YouTube, for the most part. A lot of the links I get I wouldn't want to watch anyway. But, in the midst of the swiney swiney pig flu, shouldn't people be able to see things like this? It would cheer them up, and really make them believe that there was no porcine danger.

When the weather starts to get hotter, do you think you could let us have some fluffy, harmless internet entertainment while the AC is running? I might even look at something educational.

I know that maybe we don't know each other well enough yet for me to use the c-word, but ... do you think you could ease up on the censorship a little bit? It was even kind of fun when it was sporadic. I never knew whether things would work or not. Now I've just given up trying. Just a little hope, is all I'm asking for.

Thanks, China.
Your adopted resident,
Starla

Friday 10 April 2009

It happens everywhere in Asia

I just got back from a trip to Seoul to visit a friend of mine. 

Everyone expected me to speak Korean, even though I'm convinced they should've been able to tell I wasn't Korean from the comparatively little effort I put into dressing myself.

I again came up against the weird Asian language triangle when I was out with my caucasian friends.  My friend speaks Korean to the Korean person.  The Korean person answers in Korean, but answers me, not my friend.  I make pointless apologies and look at my friend for help.  They speak back to the Korean person. 

Swap Chinese for Korean, and that's exactly the same thing that happens here.  The locals don't think they're being rude, but they automatically speak to the familiar-looking face.  I hope I don't subconsciously do that, but I can't think of a time when I've been in the reverse situation.

Thursday 19 March 2009

Maybe you mean 'Cork-Asian', like from Ireland?

Yesterday I had the most bizarre conversation with the girl who sits next to me at work.

It started off with a discussion about whether or not I liked Chinese food, as apparently I seem to eat it quite regularly (not that she ever sees me eat). Of course I said I do, and that I grew up eating it, because my dad cooks Chinese food. This was met with surprise, but that's okay.

This segued into an explanation about how my dad is from Guangdong province, and yes, my mother is also Chinese (ethnically, not by birth country). This took my coworker completely by surprise, as apparently she had always thought I was caucasian. This, in turn, threw me for a bit of a loop. Apparently, now that she looked at me, she realised that, yes, I do have black hair, and yellow skin (her words), and not-blue eyes. All the tell-tale signs of not being white.

Not recognising my surname as Chinese I can forgive, because I use a Cantonese spelling, not a Mandarin one, and I know I don't have any trace of Chinese accent or mannerisms, but...I am confused. There was that time that someone thought I was Scottish, but they were American, and I'm sure they didn't think I was Scots Scottish.

Now, I really don't have a problem with white people. I love white people. I'm just not one, and I don't think I look like one. I can't count all the times I've told people I don't speak the language, and been met with "but you look like a Chinese!"

I think I need to conduct a poll.

Wednesday 18 March 2009

Bus blooper

It's not often that I get a seat on the bus, and it's rarer that I'm not running that slight bit late for work, so I was surprised to find the bus half-empty yesterday. Obviously I took a seat. There are only a couple of stops between my apartment and my office, but hey. Nobody else was getting off at my stop, and nobody was getting on. It took me far too long to realise that the conductor (there's always a conductor as well as a driver) was probably asking if anyone wanted to get off. We were driving past the stop as I stood up, and I'm fairly sure I got tut-tutted as I disembarked.

At least I didn't have to resort to random waving and shouting, or profuse apologising. Dodged a bullet there.

Thursday 12 March 2009

On the way to work today...

...it was raining pretty steadily.  I saw a little old lady wearing a grey beanie (or toque, for Canadians) with a see-through plastic shower cap over the top.  It was kind of wonderful.

Not so wonderful was the fact that I was already late for work when I ordered my coffee at the bakery, and they took absolutely forever to make it.  Some white girl kicked up a fuss, and they gave her what should have been MY coffee, and then I had to wait even longer.  People were faffing around behind the counter, not making espresso and not frothing my milk.  In the end, I brattily made them give me an extra shot of espresso, thinking all the while that it probably wouldn't do much to help my mood. 

Thank goodness for old ladies in makeshift rain gear.

Wednesday 18 February 2009

Mmm, pudding

I just found out (through a funny exchange at the milk tea shop) that the word for 'pudding' in Chinese is bù dīng (布丁), which is excellent, as now I can order both pudding milk tea, and mango pudding.  Things are on the up and up.

Yang' sfry dumplings

I am at YANG' SFRY DUMPLINGS (exactly how it's punctuated on all their signs and on their chopstick wrappers).  This place is always always busy (the setup on the food stall street always has a huge queue), but isn't now as I guess am taking lunch at an unpopular time.  I just ordered some soup and dumplings, when I meant to order a different soup and dumplings.  The woman suggested a beef noodle soup which I hadn't even seen on the menu, which sounded nice.  So, why not eh?

On the way to work today, I saw an elderly couple travelling by bicycle.  Not unusual, especially in Asia, but the man was pushing the bike, and the woman was sitting on the back of it (not on the seat), leaning backwards, and using her cane to both stabilise and help push.  It was funny, and oddly cute. 

I just had a hilarious interchange with the waitress and the cashier.  I got my soup, no problem, and then they gave me my plate of four dumplings.  Cool.  Then apparently there was some mix up with a takeaway order, so they took my plate away.  Then they gave me another plate with 8 dumplings on it (two orders of 4).  I tried to tell them that I'd only ordered 4, and then they brought back someone else's receipt which had two orders on it.  I said it wasn't mine (was I being foolishly honest here?), and stumblingly tried to explain the situation.  Eventually the cashier got involved, and then they took away the 8, and brought back 4.  They are good enough that they were worth the wait.  The soup is good, too.

I'd almost forgotten how to eat these dumplings.  The least messy and least scaldy way I've worked out to eat them is by biting/squeezing a small hole in the outside, and sucking the juice out before eating the rest of the dumpling.  Otherwise, burning and messiness ensues.  I suppose I could've taken a photo so you could see, but suffice to say that they contain some hot juices inside.  Oh, here, they look like this.

Tuesday 17 February 2009

Things I can't get at my local supermarket:

  • brown sugar
  • tinfoil (alumin(i)um foil)
  • baking paper
  • paper towels
  • can opener
  • sponges (for cleaning)
  • fish sauce (although there's a possibility that I can't read the fish sauce bottle).
I have made trips especially for almost all of these items, only to stand around in what I think are the appropriate aisles and not be able to find what I want. 

We currently need (subjective) all of these things, except for the brown sugar, which I found at the other market on the same street.  Couldn't find any of the other things, though.

Monday 16 February 2009

On the way to work today...

...I saw a man twirling two giant golden balls in his hand as he walked down the street.*

*I'm really busy at the moment but I'm going to try to add something here much more frequently, even if it's just a reminder to myself about how weirdly wonderful China is sometimes.

Tuesday 20 January 2009

Ouch

I burnt my tongue on the soup from a soup dumpling today. 

I then tried to read our table's food docket (which was all in Chinese), and I must've had a combination pained/puzzled look on my face, because my friend asked me if everything was okay.

"Oh yeah, I'm just trying to read this thingy..."

Curse you, delicious soup dumpling.

Thursday 15 January 2009

It's probably better that I don't know

I don't know what one of the components of my dinner was tonight.  I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing.

I went to a nearby little restaurant that I haven't tried before.  I ordered takeaway beef on rice with green veges.  Fairly safe, I hoped.

Unfortunately, they were all out, so I had to make another choice.  I had a look at the pictures, and nothing else really looked appetizing (or recognisable).  The guy suggested the last picture, which looked kind of like pork ribs, although I didn't recognise any of the characters in the name (there wasn't even the one for meat!).  So I hope it was some fancy name for something that I'm happy eating, because it was more expensive than the beef.

In any case, it was pretty average.  The soup was fine and so were the rice and veges.  The meat was ribby, and a little gristly. 

I still ate most of it.

I'm really not that picky, especially when I make an effort not to think about the possibilities.

Friday 9 January 2009

Mmm. Medicine I can't read.

One of my new coworkers has been sick since he started, and, bless him, he's concerned about my wellbeing. I have blamed being really tired for being late to work the last three days (it's a six-day week, and I stay late, dammit), and yesterday he gave me a packet of some kind of medicine to take. He didn't want me to pick anything up from him, which is lovely.

This morning I did wake up feeling sketchy, so upon arrival at work (slightly late), I decided to give the magic packet of something a go. I poured it out into a glass, and it looked kind of like Bisto (the granules, not the powder). I've also had ginseng tea that came in the same sort of form. I added some hot water, and it still looks like Bisto. It smells and tastes like liquid Ryvita, though, which is really weird. Not entirely unpleasant, but I'm going to let it cool down a little before I chug the lot. Let's hope it doesn't make me feel worse.

Monday 5 January 2009

Small Change

I have an unnecessary number of small bills in my wallet at the moment because during several of my last cash transactions I haven't understood the cashier, so just handed over a hundred RMB note to be safe.  They seem to like giving me my large amounts of change in 5RMB notes, too.  I really need to learn the special word for 20 (used only when talking about money).  It took me a long time to come to grips with it in Cantonese (and I've since forgotten what it is), and now I have to learn another one.  Boo.


Saturday 3 January 2009

Introductions and new beginnings

I've been meaning to start this blog for a few months, since just before I arrived in China.  I fully intended to document the experience of being a Chinese foreigner in China, lacking the ability to speak or read the language, but looking for all intents and purposes like I can.  As it is, I have been either too lazy or too busy to do it, and nearly four months have flown by in the meantime. 

I've never written under a pseudonym before, but for whatever reason I decided to do it here.  Partially I don't want my current or future employers, or people I don't really know, to read it, but that's mostly because I intend to express a lot of the emotions I'm really experiencing, which I have no doubt will leave me feeling somewhat exposed, which I'm not entirely comfortable with.  So for reasons that I'll probably explain later, I'll be writing as Starla May Chan. 

My family is originally from Guangdong province in China, but my siblings and I were born and raised in an English-speaking country, with not that many other Chinese around (at the time).  I am third generation on my mother's side, and find I use that as an excuse for not speaking Chinese much more than I probably should.  In any case, even if we did speak Chinese, we would've been raised speaking Cantonese, not Mandarin, which wouldn't do me much good here in Shanghai. 

In any case, I just wanted to say hi to the world.  I hope now that it's a brand new year, I will be making regular contributions here.  Here's hoping.

Nice to have you here, and have a happy 2009!